The Secret-Mantra of Happiness By Pallavi Prakash
Being happy is the natural state of human mind. Our mind is a powerhouse of positive and repulsive human emotions. It is totally in our hands to generate and spread either positive vibes or negative ones. However this requires loads of self-perseverance and a disciplines life. If we force our mind to be in an unnatural unhappy state it will take a toll on our physical health and mental well-being also. It is pertinent that we learn the secret mantra of eternal happiness. A Bliss which is not affected by external conditions and is not situational but is permanent. Let us have a look upon easy guidelines to be Always Happy.
Here are four sage and sure ways to avoid needless distress and create happiness and win-win situations in our lives.
1. TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, INSTEAD OF ACTING THEM OUT.
Many people act on their emotions instead of acknowledging them and expressing them.
We get angry, we fight or flee, and we repress uncomfortable emotions through denial or stuff them with avoidance. Endless acquisition or restlessly moving from one place to the other..
When we are in pain we might want to party or drink and gamble to forget. Some of us break off contact when we are frustrated or angry, without ever working things out or learning a lesson.
In those instances when we are unable to pause or take a hold of ourselves, we must use our “observing ego” (the part of oneself that observes self and says “in what way am I part of this problem?”), reflect, sort through emotions, communicate frustration, truly listen to each other and go for a win-win approach.
Acting out holds power over us, instead of us holding power over it.
When we are reactive we do not make a choice, the choice is making us. When we are reactive we are a puppet on the strings of our past lacerations. We can’t help ourselves. And consequently we are missing out on the opportunity to facilitate real change, away from ego and power struggle, beyond self destruction and towards healing and happiness.
So, start talking about your feeling today!!
2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR UPSET INSTEAD OF BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE.
When a partner or family member says or does something which makes one upset and we are on verge of over-reacting that means something is triggering from the past.
We must immediately be aware of the intensity and use the sense of intensity as a wake-up call.
Ask yourself the questions: “What is going on with me that I am so upset?” and “What got triggered?” These questions will help us analyze our behavior ourselves instead of levying blame on others.
Leadership is not a part time activity, it requires practice in continuity. . .
– Pallavi Prakash (www.pallaviprakash.in)
3. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. IT NEVER IS.
We must know that whatever others say or do has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Whatever they say or do is a projection of their reality, a projection of what is going on their personal planet.
We should not take things personally.
Detach from the opinions and actions of other person and see him or her for what he or she is or does. The other person is also a human being entrapped in ego and wounding.
When you detach and refuse to take things personally you will unhook yourself from needless distress and make room for calm and happiness to flow in.
4. NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.
It is daunting to witness how much time and energy we spend on making assumptions and how pointless confusion and heartache is created through dwelling and acting on assumptions and unspoken expectations.
Dwelling and acting on assumptions is part of us living in our own little orbit and assuming that all the other orbits around us are identical to ours or are supposed to be identical to ours. Of course they are not.
Two often secret and unconscious assumptions are:
– My partner is going to make up for everything I missed out growing up and
– My partner or family member is able to read my mind and know exactly what I need.
Both assumptions are a sure set up for deep disappointment.
In general making, dwelling and acting on assumptions and its subsequent misunderstanding will inevitably lead to conflict and outright battles.
Become aware of your assumptions and unspoken expectations. Communicate. Always check out your assumptions with others. Be brave, be honest, be clear, ask questions, request explanations and state your expectations, needs and wishes. Get out of your head and off your personal planet, be an investigative journalist and listen to your partner or family member and then listen some more. Use DIALOGUE. Without listening there will be no learning, sharing or satisfaction, just endless repetition. The more we do it, the better we get at it, the more we set ourselves free, more happiness we create!
(Pallavi Prakash, Author, Corporate Trainer & Film Maker)